The Relationship Health KPI: How Team Work Makes the Dream Work

One of my friends from college called me a few days ago to catch up. We hadn't spoken in a few years, but our sentiments toward one another were very much the same as they were at our last conversation. We talked for almost four hours; catching up on what's been happening in life, the most recent work we were doing, live reflecting on defining moments of our past, and more. Before we said our farewells he asked me:

Even though I spoke my truths in that moment, when we hung up my thoughts remained provoked. It expanded from just my relationships with my closest guys to my relationships in general. I hopefully have a lot more life to live but my experiences thus far have exposed me to invaluable lessons on relationships. Whether you're an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, or all of thee above, a strong Relationship Health KPI will dramatically help you find fulfillment in life. Bad relationships; however, can be the difference in the life you deserve and a nightmare.

Healthy relationships are the cornerstone of our lives and well-being. As humans we are inherently social beings, and our need for connection persists from infancy through adulthood. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, all humans are motivated by a sense of love and belonging and thus need it to reach self-actualization. I believe this to be true because so much of life is spent with others and impacted by others so the best way to control our Relationship Health KPI is to develop the ability to build and sustain great relationships!

Our Relationship Health KPI can be assessed based on its impact on our physical, financial, mental, and emotional well-being. Relationships can either uplift us or lead to chaos and stagnation. They can open doors for us or they can burn down a house we worked hard to build. They can be positive extensions of us or they can cause us to become isolated into a silo. Prioritizing our Relationship Health KPI is so crucial, but the approach will vary for each individual. Some people thrive in social settings, while others prefer solitude. Regardless of our unique identities, adhering to the following core principles can serve to help you cultivate relationships that bring you fulfillment:

1. Always adhere to the Golden Rule of Life by following the Platinum Rule of Life.

2. Don’t just call people when you need them.

3. Treat all people well but invest in those who invest in you.

4. Improve the health of your other KPIs.

The Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule

In the context of our KPIs of Life, a healthy relationship can be characterized by consistently positive interactions that promote growth and aid in self-preservation. This principle applies not only to our relationships with others but also to our relationship with ourselves. Healthy human interactions should foster those characteristics described for both parties involved, which means that we have to examine ourselves to learn how we show up for the person in the mirror. Only then will we truly know how and be able to show up for others. This is called mastering the Platinum Rule to master the Golden Rule.

The Golden Rule of Life encourages us to treat others as we wish to be treated. However, the Platinum Rule takes this a step further by urging us to give ourselves permission to love ourselves in the highest form and value everyone enough to believe they deserve the same form of love. This form of love is that which is indicated in Corinthians:

I think if we all valued that scripture enough to abide by it we would create a world of peace. But, again, our KPIs of Life are about what we can control so I digress. While you may not be able to control others, if you can control yourself to the extent of giving yourself and others the love defined in this Corinthians scripture, then you will have created an environment where your relationships will flourish into mutual fulfillment.

Seeing love by this definition is the start of following the Platinum Rule and then following through to actually give this kind of love to yourself and others is how you fulfill it. So when we say we are following the Golden Rule of treating others how we would want to be treated then it looks like treating others with the highest form of love.

The truth is, it doesn't even take much. Simple actions, such as remembering birthdays or showing empathy can significantly impact the quality of our relationships. We can feel the need to go over the top to substantiate the value of our love, but in the best relationships I have seen each party felt most fulfilled when they recognized intentional acts that were able to be sustained almost effortlessly. This leads me to the next control we have to manage our Relationship Health KPI - building genuine connections.

Building Genuine Connections

In the professional world, particularly in my field of consulting, one sad reality that I fight to dismantle is how relationships are often viewed and treated as transactional. In a business naturally driven by upselling clients, the focus is often on what can you get from someone or what person you can "leverage" or sell to. Far too often I see people who only deal with one another to complete transactions. There are people who I have only ever talked to when they needed my help and those same people often failed to progress in their career. This is because they often treated others the same way they treated me, as nothing more than a transaction, and that is a recipe for poor relationship health.

My mom raised me to

That's because humans don't like feeling used and that is how transactional relationships make people feel. In consulting we often dress it up as "networking" but hardly anyone makes the relationship truly work because it's just not genuine.

However, a human-centered approach focuses on genuine connections rather than mere "networking", and this in turn fosters real relationship building. A human centered approach looks like building relationships based on mutual interest, support, and actual care. This is essential for long-term success. By prioritizing the person over the transaction, we create a strong foundation for healthy relationships. One that can withstand the tests of time and directly provide us with a sense of fulfillment in life.

A genuine relationship can be created in various ways but the ones that make a real impact are the ones between people who have the same magnitude of interest, support, and care for their partner(s). It take self-awareness and intentionality to recognize the level of of support, interest, and care that a person has for us though. For it is only when we are able to recognize the value in ourselves that we can see the true value in others.

Know Yourself to Invest Wisely

Spending time alone is one key way to develop a real sense of discernment, though. Through self-reflection and examination we not only identify what we have to offer but what others have to offer as well and this is crucial for determining the value of our relationships. Knowing ourselves helps us identify what we need from others and what we can offer in return. This self-awareness is key to ensuring that our relationships are mutually beneficial so that no side ever feels neglected or used.

Whether it's a business partner, team mates, or soul mate the easiest thing in our control is how we ourselves show up. When we can show up authentically and with genuine interest in others we invite others to do the same. With self-awareness this allows us the vision to see if a particular relationship is for us or not. Not every person we come in contact with will serve as a lifelong partner and this ok so long as we do our part to give other an authentic view of who we are and take interest in seeing them for who they are. That is when we can truly determine if we are being met with the same magnitude of intentionality as we are exuding. Consequently, that is when we are able to determine if a relationship is right for us or not.

The Practical Law of Attraction for Relationships

All that being said, we will always find it hard to have a strong Relationship Health KPI if we just show up. Ensuring our Relationship Health KPI is strong looks like ensuring we show up as our best selves because that is where a certain magic happens. That magic is called The Law of Attraction. If you've never heard of this ideology, in layman terms it simply suggests that we attract what we focus on.

To cultivate healthy relationships, we must first value ourselves enough to focus on being the very best that we can. This has a interestingly decisive way of attracting others who are striving for the same. By embodying the qualities we seek in others—be it physical health, humor, a love for travel, or anything for that matter—we tend to bridge a gap between the light in one another. It's like a gravity pull where our pursuit of self-improvement clings to others in the same pursuit and this magnetic field exudes positivity.

One of the sure ways I have found to ensure we are focused on improving ourselves is to place our focus on striving for great health in our other KPIs of Life. When we are focused on optimizing our Physical Health KPIs, we seem to notice more often the people also striving for peak Physical Health. When we discipline ourselves to sustain great Financial Health, we tend to stay away from people who take no regard of their Financial Health KPI. When we prioritize our Mental and Emotional Health that often means we remove people from our lives who do not positively impact that KPI. And the same goes for our Esteem Health. You can't be focused on building your self-esteem when you are constantly around people who want to tear you down.

In Conclusion

Healthy relationships are vital for our overall well-being, impacting every aspect of our lives. By understanding the importance of our Relationship Health KPI and adhering to the core principles to control it, we can foster connections that enrich our lives and others. Remember, the journey to building strong relationships begins with valuing and loving yourself, though. No more than others, but certainly no less. Because how you show up for yourself has a great deal to do with how you are able to show up for others. And how you show up for others makes all the difference in the health of your relationships.